One Year Ago
Last year at this time, I was spending every waking hour looking after my big, beautiful boy Thorn. Thorn was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma in September. Surgery in October to remove his spleen gave him about 10 great weeks...I was even making some spring tracking plans for him! Unfortunately, the cancer had spread - I am not sure where but it affected his ability to eat so I conjured up some great meals of pureed liver, Boost and baby food, which he just loved.Thorn slept on my bed, right beside me, every night (where Caden sleeps now, bless his heart)...
Looking back at pictures of my home in Thunder Bay, I can't believe how much snow we already had at this time last year. This picture was taken on December 20. My car is under there somewhere!
For the entire month of December I either had Thorn with me at work, or came home at noon to walk him around the property. Thorn was with me through a lot of hard times, and in the end he was the best and most loyal friend you could ask for. I feel in many ways he was an angel, sent to me right after my mother died to comfort me. My mother also died from cancer, so spending the time with Thorn in the end brought back many memories of sitting with my mother at home or the hospice unit. And when I had cancer, he laid by my side and brought me "toys" while I recuperated at home.
It was very uplifting and peaceful, in an odd way, to spend all of that time with him by myself. I knew he was dying, but he didn't. He was happy most days, and so like Thorn, he was gentle and quiet and appreciated being together. His biggest treasure was his red Kong bone. He carried it everywhere. He liked to lie in the snow and play with it - I think the snow felt good on his big old body. He would pretend his bone was lost in the snow and bark at me - that was his humour.
Since I was by myself, this is the one of the "last pictures" of me with Thorn. I can't believe how time has flown. 
Thorn died on Christmas Day, choosing to pass when I left the house briefly - something for which I have a difficult time forgiving myself for doing. I was not thinking clearly and wish I had just stayed with him. But on the other hand, some say he probably waited for a quiet time to relax and move on. On Christmas morning, I just sat and stroked him and told him how much I loved him. This is another "last picture" that I took of us together...
Looking back at pictures of my home in Thunder Bay, I can't believe how much snow we already had at this time last year. This picture was taken on December 20. My car is under there somewhere!For the entire month of December I either had Thorn with me at work, or came home at noon to walk him around the property. Thorn was with me through a lot of hard times, and in the end he was the best and most loyal friend you could ask for. I feel in many ways he was an angel, sent to me right after my mother died to comfort me. My mother also died from cancer, so spending the time with Thorn in the end brought back many memories of sitting with my mother at home or the hospice unit. And when I had cancer, he laid by my side and brought me "toys" while I recuperated at home.It was very uplifting and peaceful, in an odd way, to spend all of that time with him by myself. I knew he was dying, but he didn't. He was happy most days, and so like Thorn, he was gentle and quiet and appreciated being together. His biggest treasure was his red Kong bone. He carried it everywhere. He liked to lie in the snow and play with it - I think the snow felt good on his big old body. He would pretend his bone was lost in the snow and bark at me - that was his humour. Since I was by myself, this is the one of the "last pictures" of me with Thorn. I can't believe how time has flown. Thorn died on Christmas Day, choosing to pass when I left the house briefly - something for which I have a difficult time forgiving myself for doing. I was not thinking clearly and wish I had just stayed with him. But on the other hand, some say he probably waited for a quiet time to relax and move on. On Christmas morning, I just sat and stroked him and told him how much I loved him. This is another "last picture" that I took of us together...When I look at it a year later, I can see how tired he was. That morning, when I tried to give him some of the puree that he loved, he just clenched his teeth shut and said "no more, please." It was very hard, especially at Christmas!
Even though I have moved, I feel that he is with me in spirit - sort of like in that picture - his shadow is with me all the time; he was such a loving and loyal dog. And his kong bone leans against his urn for now, until I feel another dog has the honour of playing with it! I miss you my big boy. The day after he died, I tried to take pictures of his "snow angels" along the sides of the driveway. Here is River beside one of the snow angels, made in the same spot as the picture of Thorn (above) teasing me with his bone.
How can a dog be there one day, and gone the next? It is hard to accept how impermanent life can be...and so important to appreciate those you love, every day.
I thought I would write about Thorn now, rather than on the anniversary of his passing, because this Christmas the focus will be on finding peace and happiness here in Alberta. Here is another shot of Thorn that I use as a screensaver, so that I say good morning and good night to him every day. He knew about cameras and so it is like he is looking right into my eyes! And that is his big beloved Ball, his favourite inside toy...
As only dogs can do, Thorn loved me unconditionally, never judging, always ready with a kind and gentle heart and always happy to spend time together.
May 25, 1997 - December 25, 2007
You can read more about Thorn by clicking on his link in the sidebar menu, or by going to December 2007 to read some tributes I wrote when he died last year.
Category Article Commentary, German Shepherd, Thorn
