Report from Ted, Special Correspondent on... The Couch and the Curious Incident of the Orange Peel

While Donna is getting the mail, I thought I would jump on the computer to share my observations about The Couch.

There is a good reason why I hop up to the back to observe things that happen from a bird's eye view.

Sometimes, it isn't even safe to be about on the floor, take my word.

Especially when food is around...

Read on...

Last night, I was minding my own business while Donna was eating a Mandarin orange. At first I thought - hey! that's a ball! So I stared, waiting for it to be tossed my way. But the next thing I knew, it was being broken into little pieces.

I could smell that it was not edible. But Caden was sitting there begging for a piece of orange like a total goofball...check it out...

Photos taken with special Border Collie Cam...patent pending...

I was sitting there thinking, no way, we won't get a piece. But that puppy seems to get everything he wants. It is very annoying, but I digress...you can see from the look on his face he isn't even sure it is edible, but he takes it! I miss NOTHING from my perch on the couch...

So what does he do? He carries it away to look at it and squishes it with his front toe. River joins me in looking on.

The more he tosses this piece of orange around, the more annoyed River gets. I moved to the chair to get a better look, and take this shot with my special correspondent's Border Collie Cam...

This is getting to the part where I am very glad to be on my perch and out of the action. River turned to Donna and demanded a piece of orange of her own, to show this puppy proper German Shepherd behaviour. I know that Donna was barely paying attention, because she was watching this show...

Haha! The show was about finding your purpose by living in the present moment. I had a great belly laugh about how she was NOT in the moment was she? Chaos was threatening to break out right under her nose, with only me to pay attention and record the moment. By the way, the guy on the video had it all wrong as he did not mention ONCE that her life purpose was to feed us and make sure we get to herd sheep!

Well, now you know the cross I have to bear. Thank goodness Jet was outside or she would have been making very rude comments (which all seem to go over Donna's head)...so as I was saying, Donna is just not with it, and hands River a piece of orange PEEL! Even worse than a piece of orange. This sets off some terrible events...

River graciously takes the orange peel, and drops it like a gauntlet on the floor to teach Caden a lesson about playing with food...

OK, I think you can see my point about being safe in my spot on the back of the couch...I tried to advise Caden to back slowly away, but he thought this was another great game! You can see his nose dangerously close to River's. And look in the background! Donna still blithely watching that stupid video, blah blah blah...I wanted to bark sharply "Wake up!"

River shared the lesson with Caden - You are a German Shepherd, have some dignity! Do not play with your food! If it is not edible, then guard it but don't toss it about! Whew, as a Border Collie I gotta say that this is a big heavy I am just not into. I was verrrrry tempted to leap off the couch, sneak around, and nip one of them in the hock and slither away before they knew what hit them. THAT is the Border Collie way... but River is a purist, and stuck with the German Shepherd norms. She then demonstrated how one should lie beside the object being guarded and "look bored" whilst keeping an eye on everyone in the room...


I do feel a bit sorry for Caden, he just didn't get it. Maybe he is spending too much time with me and Jet, but he just wanted to play. I was embarrassed for him when he started to cry, as though that was going to make the orange peels come to him. Besides which, there was a pile of peels on the table that he could have easily stolen but he was now focusing on the special peel that River was guarding...

Check it out, even River looks away in embarrassment. And Donna is still watching that dumb show. Jet and Shaman were outside at the time, so they missed this action.

I think you will agree that the safest spot is on the back of the couch, and I do get some good stories while I pretend I am cuddling with Donna. She has no idea, and that's why I am....



Ted, Special Correspondent
Border Collie on the job